Sunday, November 22, 2009

Overkill

The assignment was to write a short story about a really cool person. Well, you said 3 paragraphs to 25 pages. You did ask for it in that regard. Here it is, 8.35 pages in Word, single spaced. Sorry, it's kind of an epic, and I wouldn't exactly call it compressed, but I wanted to show what kinds of activities Gabriel would be involved in and how Shane changes in different situations. And then... well, I did say I was a writer...

Main characters are Shane and Gabriel. Enjoy.

Chapter 1— Shane

Shane shifted his leg up on to the next stair to better support his sketchbook. He was sitting on the stairs of the front entrance of the school at dismissal, just close enough to the wall that the shade of the arch didn’t touch his paper. He brushed his stringy blond hair out of his face and flicked his light blue eyes back up to his model. She hadn’t been in school that day, she was at some sort of event, but at least he could look at her now.

He’d made a hobby of drawing his classmates, but she was giving him a bit of trouble. There was something about her hair... he had wanted to draw her hair blowing in the wind, and her side swept bangs had turned out alright, but there was just something about the jagged ends of her haircut that wouldn’t let him capture how pin-straight it was without having it plastered to her head. Maybe he’d actually color this one in, once he finished. Then he’d have to deal with finding the exact right shade for her brown hair, with it’s almost golden sheen. But of course, he’d already shaded in her ruby red lips in black and white...

He pushed up his sleeve with a long, pale, charcoal-smudged hand and felt a chilly breeze cut across his forearm. It was cold enough for some people to be wearing sweaters, but Shane was dressed like he always was: long-sleeved white collared shirt tucked into his jeans, brown belt, black nondescript sneakers. He held his sketchbook at a distance to get a new perspective on his drawing, then sighed and started erasing. His drawings were never good enough, he usually just ended up throwing them out. Well, he’d try finishing this one again when he got home. He closed up his sketchbook, put his charcoal back in it’s case, and stuffed everything into his bag. Hoisting it onto one shoulder, he stood up and moved towards the street.

“Shane!” someone called, and he jerked his head up to see his father jogging towards him.

“Dad! What’re you doing here?”

“I have to talk to a classmate of yours for a case I’m working on, and I figured I’d come pick you up,” his father said, hands in his pockets. “Car’s around the corner, if you want a ride.”

“Oh... for a case? Who do you need to talk to?”

“Gabriel Jericho.”

“...yeah, that figures. If anyone was gonna kill someone it’d be him...” Shane muttered.

“So I hear,” his father said, and paused to grin at his son.

“...what?” Shane asked uncomfortably.

“Who was that girl?”

“What, the one I was drawing? That’s Rachel...”

“Oh...” his father nodded and continued grinning at him in a way that suggested his fatherly wisdom was kicking in. “What is she wearing?” He asked, glancing back at her. She was in a red strapless dress that looked like it belonged at a cocktail party.

“I don’t know, she was at some sort of event today. She’s kind of famous, she does some acting and modeling... Rachel Allan Grey, you know her?” Shane took a moment to evaluate his father’s widening grin. “What?” His father only chuckled, and Shane let out an annoyed breath before turning and stalking towards the car.

“‘Ay, Shane!” called a boy in a Yankee cap, and started over towards him. Shane made no indication that he heard him, but sped up a little. “I saw you lookin’ at Rachel,” he said with a smirk. Shane occupied himself by slipping his other arm through the strap of his backpack as he walked. “Aw, look at him, he’s blushing! Don’t be shy,” the boy persisted, easily matching his stride. A few of his friends had caught up with them, they laughed. “Hey,” the boy pushed him on the left shoulder, bringing them both to a stop, “you like her?” He asked.

Shane took a moment to breathe angrily. “...It’s none of your business, Todd.”

Oh s—t, Shane’s a G,” Todd said, and his friends snickered.

A slender leg encased in a black slip-on shoe and a dark colored skinny jean stepped quietly out of the shadows, followed by a T-shirt covered by a black leather jacket. As he stepped into the sunlight, the boy’s black fedora kept his large green eyes in shadow. “Hey, don’t mess with my man Shane, he knows karate,” Gabriel said, punching Todd on the shoulder as he walked by.

Oh s—t Shane, you know karate?” Todd asked, taking a fighting stance. “C’mon, show me a move!”

He’s gonna kick your a-s!” Gabriel called through cupped hands, walking backwards for a few paces before righting himself and rounding the corner.

Oh yeah? Show me what’cha got, Shane!” Todd said. Be bounced on his toes for a few moments, making noises he had learned from friends imitating martial arts movies, and took a swipe at Shane’s head. Shane dodged and, with a reddening face and a glare to slay the gods, ducked into the back seat of the car. “Aw, you’re no fun Shane!” Todd’s muffled voice came, and he banged on the window a few times. Shane breathed deeply and stretched out in the car.

Chapter 2— Gabriel

Rachel, baby! Looking yummy as always,” Gabriel said, grabbing her by the elbow and dragging her away from the gaggle of girls that had been admiring talking with her. “Hey, speaking of, you have any snacks? Oh, wait, I forgot, you’re a model.”

Wha- hey! That doesn’t mean I’m like, anorexic or something...”
“No, it totally does.”

Oh my god, no!”

Oh? Then, how come you don’t like eat?”

I do so!”

“Oh, really? You shouldn’t do that you know, you’ll get fat.” Gabriel glanced around as Rachel rolled her eyes and let out a slightly annoyed/slightly amused sigh.

Hey,” Gabriel said, angling himself so that his back was to the rest of the block. “Shane’s dad is here.”

...the detective? Why?”

Not sure.”

You think he wants to talk to us?”

How should I know?”

Well what should we do?”
“Ok... I have a plan.”

What?”

How about this...” Gabriel began seriously, “let’s make out.”

Gabriel...” Rachel said exasperatedly.

No, I mean it!” Gabriel replied with a signature crooked grin. “and be like really graphic about it so he gets all awkward and leaves!”

Oh my god, can you be serious for like one second?”

What, you don’t like my plan?”

...My car is right there, let’s just get out of here before he gets to talk to us.”

Fine, be that way! See if I care!” He said, voice booming with fake outrage. “I’m driving,” he added, striding over and getting in to the driver’s seat of her car.

Rachel let out a breath that could’ve been mistaken for a sarcastic laugh. “Don’t you usually call shotgun?”

Gabriel rolled down the window. “Yeah, but then I’d have to shoot people, and that’s way more work.”

Chapter 3— Duck and Cover

Why do you always sit in the back seat?” Shane’s father asked him, climbing into the car and taking the parking break off.

More room back here,” Shane said, angling his leg on the seat to lean his sketchbook against it. “You talk to him?”

No, he got in a car, I want to see where he goes. Mind if we follow him for a bit?”

“I don’t care.” Shane’s father turned the key in the ignition and the car slid smoothly out of it’s parking space.

For a while they drove on in silence.

Hey, mind scooting down a bit?” Shane’s father eventually said. “I don’t want him to see you.”

Shane shrugged and lay down on the seat, flipping over onto his stomach so he could continue his drawing. “You’re taking this pretty seriously...” he commented.

Well, he is a suspect, and you never know what he could have in the car...”

Gabriel’s green eyes flicked up to the rear view mirror, and he gave a faint smile. “Son of a b—ch is following us...”

Seriously?!” Rachel whispered, as though she was worried that they would be overheard. She glanced backward, then quickly shrunk down in her seat, red manicured nails tugging at at the high hem of her dress.

Relax, it’s fine. It’s not like I’m going anywhere important, anyway...”

What’re you gonna do?”

...let’s see what happens.” He made a left turn off the highway, into a sparsely populated industrial area of the Bronx.

...

...he’s leading me in circles...” Shane’s father said under his breath. In the last 30 minutes they had made three left turns. He bit his lip for a moment and flicked a button in his dashboard. Red and blue lights began flashing in the grill of his car.

There he goes!” Gabriel said, and pulled the car over next to what appeared to be an abandoned factory. “Get down, wouldja?” He said quietly to Rachel over his shoulder as he got out. She slid down in her seat and watched him through narrowed eyes.

Hey, Agent James McPherson,” Shane’s father called, getting out of his car and flashing an NYPD badge at Gabriel.

Oh, hey, aren’t you Shane’s dad?”

Yeah, I’ve seen you before, haven’t I?” James said casually, moving forward to shake Gabriel’s hand.

Probably. Hey, is Shane here?” Gabriel asked, releasing James’ hand so he couldn’t feel him sweating.

He went home.”

Oh. Hey, I thought you were a detective, what’re you doing pulling people over?”
“What are you doing driving in circles?”

...Well I thought you were like a creepy stalker or something... I have a lot of those, since I’m so good looking... why were you following me anyway?”

Where were you Sunday night, around eight?” James asked, hoping that the suddenness of the question would catch him off guard.

Sunday? Ah... I don’t really remember, but chances are I was making love to a beautiful woman.”

Ha ha. No, really.”

Well that actually is what I’m usually doing...” Gabriel let his smile fade as though he was seriously considering the question. “Really, though? I was probably at home.”
“Can anyone verify that?”

Uh... my parents were out... we don’t have security cameras or anything... oh, I know! Your son, I called Shane for the homework around then. What’s with the third degree?”

Does the name Jessica Gardine mean anything to you?”

No, who’s she?”

Dead. We found her body a few days ago. Coroner puts her time of death on Sunday at around eight pm.”

...and you’re asking me all these questions... what, because I’m a suspect? You seriously think I shot someone while having a completely normal phone conversation?”

There was a pause. “...Gabriel... how’d you know she had been shot to death?”

Gabriel stared at him for a moment, then let out a shakey breath and looked down. After a second he looked around, then leaned in close to James and spoke in a low, uncertain voice. “You know... there are a lot of things that I really like about my school. And, um...” he paused to rub his forehead and reached into his coat as though looking for something. “One of the things I’ve always really liked is...” he stepped back and whipped a silver revolver out of his coat. “They don’t have metal detectors.” James pulled out his own gun but it was too late, Gabriel was the only one that got a chance to fire.

Chapter 4— Backup

Hey!” Shane shouted, jumping out of the car.

...Shane! Good to see you! I didn’t know you were here...” Gabriel called, trying to conceal the scene. Shane ducked behind the passenger seat door and, turning, ripped it open. “I can still shoot you through the windshield,” Gabriel called, dropping all pretense of niceness.

Shane tore open the glove compartment and grabbed the gun that his father kept there. Even if he’d never fired a gun before, his father had shown him how to aim one. He spun around and, steadying his hands on the hood of the car, fired twice. “Don’t move!”

Gabriel jumped backward to avoid the gunshots. Glaring at what he could see of Shane he slowly raised his hands and knelt as though to put down the revolver... then suddenly turned and dashed into the building. “Get back here!” Shane called and fired after him once, but he was already inside.

Shane moved to chase him, but stopped short and glanced down at the glove compartment. Inside was a walkie talkie and a pair of handcuffs. Keeping the gun aimed at the door, he reached inside and, with shaking hands, pulled out the walkie talkie. “H-hello?”

After a short pause there was a burst of noise. “Who is this?” came a voice distorted by static.

This is Shane McPherson... I’m James McPherson’s son... he’s just... been shot...” Shane said quietly, still staring intently at the door.

Is the shooter still there?”

Yeah... he ran into a building... he still has the gun, I have one too...”

Alright, where are you? I’ll send backup.”

Uh... I’m not sure...”

Is the car with you? I can trace the GPS.”

Yeah...”

Alright, well don’t do anything until we get there... listen to me, Shane. Does your father have a pulse?”

Shane took his eyes off the door for the first time and stared intently at the walkie talkie. “I don’t know,” he said, looking down.

Ok, well stay calm Shane... can you check?”

Shane swallowed. “Yeah... yeah. Hang on a second.” Looking back up at the door he crept forward, staying low. Reaching his father’s body, he moved his fingers slowly up to his neck.

The voice waited until it seemed like an appropriate amount of time had passed. “...Shane? Anything?”

Shane considered the walkie talkie for a moment before lifting it to his mouth. “...no.” He switched the walkie talkie off and glared up at the building from behind his hair. He stood up slowly and walked back to the car. He put everything back in the glove compartment, but found that he couldn’t bring himself to close it. He stared at it’s contents again.

He left the handcuffs, he took the gun.

Dammit! Gabriel swore to himself. He could probably talk himself out of anything, but he just had to go and shoot the guy... he had seen the building from three different angles as he drove up and there didn’t seem to be any exits other than the way he came in... and Shane was probably guarding that... he’d probably already called for backup... dammit. He could probably get Shane, but if the police showed up he was done for... what he needed to do now was call for reinforcements. If he played his cards right he could let his guys and the police shoot each-other while he slipped quietly away. He flipped open his phone—

The door downstairs banged open. Gabriel was one flight up, but as far as Shane knew he could be anywhere in the building... if he called now, Shane would hear him... even the beeping of his keypad if he tried texting would give him away... he could hear the old sheet metal steps creaking as Shane walked up them anyway... Gabriel aimed his gun at where he predicted Shane’s head would be, but Shane stopped a few steps short. He braced himself and ran up five steps, then flattened himself to the stairwell. Gabriel’s shot hit the wall behind him. Jumping up he fired in Gabriel’s direction, but he had already dodged behind some piece of mechanical equipment. Shane lept up the remaining few stairs and flung himself behind a similar machine.

He breathed heavily for a moment, back to the machine, gun held in front of his face, head turned to try and move around the corner at any time. He slowly stood up, and heard a faint tapping on the floor as Gabriel did the same. He moved behind another machine, both hands on the gun. The room was dark and windowless, the only sound was their soft footfalls as they ducked cautiously from machine to machine and the drip drip of water leaking from the ceiling. Very unhelpful. “Show yourself!” He called after a moment.

Gabriel tightened his grip on the revolver, but the sound echoed so that he couldn’t tell Shane’s position... he grinned. If the room’s acoustics wouldn’t give away Shane’s position, they wouldn’t give away his either. He lifted his cell phone and dialed.

Gabriel?” the man on the other line answered.

Hey, how’s it goin’?” Gabriel responded, still circling the equipment looking for Shane. Without waiting for an answer, he continued, “Listen, I have a bit of a situation here. I’m gonna need you to send like 20 or 50 guys over.”

Where are you?”

Just trace the call.” At the moment, he didn’t particularly care whether or not he revealed that he had contacts in the FBI.
“Alright, stay on the line.”

Gabriel stopped moving and grinned. “Hang on a second, I have to shoot someone.”

He has a clear shot?! Shane tensed and looked around. Somewhere he has a clear shot... but I can’t see him from here... the only place like that... Shane whirled around and fired at Gabriel, who ducked behind a machine, cursing softly. Dropping his phone he scampered behind the line of equipment to avoid Shane’s next shot. Launching himself back onto the stairwell he paused only for a moment to fire back at Shane twice before ascending to the next floor.

The gunshots echoed to the cars outside. Watching from the lower corner of her car’s tainted windows, Rachel exhaled softly through her reddened lips. That idiot, Gabriel...

Chapter 5— Friendly Fire [Kiss Me Kill Me]

A total of six shots had been fired inside the building. Neither of them had six bullets when they went in, so each person had fired at least once. If the shots were divided up evenly, that meant Shane was out of bullets. The car door clicked open and Rachel’s stilettos slid daintily out in the fading light. They carried her over to James’ body, where she bent at the waist and delicately pulled the gun from his lifeless hand with her forefinger and thumb.

The exit to the stairwell on the third floor led into a hallway. There was a window behind the exit, so the rusting hall was stained with golden light, but it didn’t help much. Gabriel was nowhere in sight. There were two doors before the right turn at the end of the hall. Examining the doors Shane found that the dust on them hadn’t been disturbed, but if the doors had been open already when Gabriel got upstairs he wouldn’t have had to touch them to get inside...

Shane gripped the gun in front of him with both hands and stared at the first door, preparing to kick it in. Oh wait, he was out of bullets...

He kicked the door in anyway. The room was empty. Thank god. Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself and repeated the motion on the other door. Nothing again. He moved back out of the room and pressed himself against the wall, preparing to round the corner. He could always try bluffing... but Gabriel could do the math, and he had already shot at him three times when the gun was actually loaded...

There was a faint tapping on the stairs behind him. He turned his head to see Rachel, silhouetted in the gold light, slowly raising the gun in her left hand. “Drop it, Shane,” she said quietly. For all she knew, he could have some bullets left. He leaned forward, and slowly and deliberately placed the gun on the ground. She followed him with her eyes... but not with the gun. Suddenly he kicked off from his kneeling position and raced towards her. “Ah-!” her eyes widened; the gun had only been for threatening, she hadn’t been prepared to actually use it. She quickly moved her other hand up to try and aim but he was already there, he kicked her hand and the shot hit the ceiling as the gun clattered to the floor.

Turning her around he shoved her against the wall, pressing her face against the window and pinning her arms against her back. He stepped back slowly and, securing her wrists in his left hand, ducked down and grabbed the gun in his right. She did not resist. A few strands of her auburn hair slipped slightly from behind her ear and looped across her face. “This is bigger than you, you know,” she said quietly. He pointed the gun at her. They walked.

They moved slowly down the hallway, him behind her, gun at the ready over her shoulder. Shane brought them to a halt at the end of the passage. Rounding the corner quickly he pulled Rachel out in front of him, gun pressed to the side of her head. “Don’t shoot!” He said, looking out from the gap between the gun and his human sheild’s shoulder.

Gabriel hesitated. He had been able to tell that Rachel had been disarmed, but he didn’t actually think that Shane would take her hostage... he lowered his gun slightly.

Gabriel, I’m so sorry about this...” Rachel truly did look sorry. She had just been trying to help...

Don’t worry about it,” Gabriel said, and put a bullet in her left lung.

Shane swore and dropped his hostage, firing a shot that ended up at Gabriel’s feet before ducking back behind the corner. There was a door in the hallway that led back into one of the rooms Shane had entered earlier. Glancing over his shoulder, he scampered in.

Chapter 6— Your Life

At one end of the room there was a ladder to the next floor. There was a window into the hallway along the wall next to it, and a door back into the hall just in front of that. Shane crouched and moved quickly over to the window. He could see Gabriel clearly, peeking around the corner looking for him. The light that had been slowly fading was gone now, but in the moon’s silvery sheen he could still see well enough. He aimed carefully.

Gabriel had moved to the the corner and was looking into the hallway, but he already knew where Shane was. He had come in through that very room, and he knew Shane would take the opportunity to shoot at him through the window. He only had one bullet left, if he could just get Shane to waste a few... He had his ear pressed to the wall, and he listened intently to Shane’s light, quick steps. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9... The footsteps stopped. Gabriel listened a moment longer, then flattened himself to the floor. The glass shattered, and three bullets whizzed over his head.

Shane burst out through the door but Gabriel was already there, pinning down his right wrist and pressing the revolver under his chin. Instinctively Shane swatted at Gabriel’s arm, and somehow managed to knock the gun from his hand. Not pausing to think he shoved him down and pointed the gun in his face.

There was a moment of silence. The light from a ventilation fan far above them splayed in strange shapes on the floor. “Give up,” Shane said quietly. Gabriel was genuinely surprised, but didn’t make a sound. “The people I called will be here any minute, so just surrender,” he continued softly after a moment. “It’s over, you can just turn yourself in and face justice. But... I’m seriously going to kill you now, so...” Below them there was the sound of a car pulling up. They both paused to listen to it.

Gabriel’s green eyes swiveled back up to Shane. “What do you want to bet those are my guys, not yours?” he said, in a voice that suggested nothing unusual was happening. “How ‘bout your life?” With that he swept his leg around and knocked Shane’s feet out from under him. He was on his feet and through the door in one motion. Grabbing his revolver he clamped it between his teeth and flew up the ladder. In a flash, Shane was after him.

Gabriel slammed the trapdoor above him open and took off running, barely even noticing that he was outside until he was halfway across the roof. He paused. “What now, Gabriel?” Shane called from behind him. “Somebody’s allies are running up the stairs right now. Do we just wait and see who wins?”

Gabriel hesitated for a moment, clenching his fist. Then tilted his head to look over at Shane, grinning like no tomorrow. “I’d rather be young and sexy when I go to hell.” With that he took off running and vaulted himself off the roof.

Shane ran after him, stopping at the edge of the roof to look over. He knew Gabriel was crazy, but that was just ludicrous, for all he knew he had a 50% chance of being saved...

Shane considered his father’s body on the other side of the building, and jumped off the roof after Gabriel. Gabriel held on to his hat in one hand and twisted to point his gun up at Shane, who aimed down at him as they fell...

Bang.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

As cool as it gets

Sorry, I know my posts are out of order, but at least they're here.

This is the beginning of the 'Cool' unit, for this assignment I have to write a few paragraphs exploring the concept of 'cool'. So, heregoes.

A lot of people have mentioned that they find it cool when someone marches to their own tune, and doesn't care what anybody else thinks. I don't think that's quite the whole story, though; they only like someone if they don't conform in the same way that everyone else doesn't conform. If I came in wearing florescent colored goggles and a frog suit, nobody would think I was cool. In order to be cool on that scale you have to be "too cool to care" or something to the effect; you have to like the same stuff as everyone else, just not because you're worried about fitting in. When people say they don't like people who conform, I think what they're really thinking of is people who are desperate for attention.

I personally don't care about conformity in the slightest. I don't think conforming or not conforming makes a person any more or less cool, it's just an unrelated part of who they are. One of the main aspects of my personality is that I am a writer, so I tend to look at life from that standpoint. As such my definition of a cool person is a good character; someone who will capture my interest and my imagination, who interesting things might happen to. I find someone cool if I want to hear more from them, someone with interesting quirks and philosophies that fit nicely into an engaging story.

More often than not, that means that the person either has something wrong with them or is extremely badass. I like characters with handicaps to overcome, be it a physical disability to out-and-out ignore (in fiction, usually blindness) or an inner demon of some sort. I like a character who is willing to sacrifice their subordinates, who has deluded themself into thinking they're doing the right thing. The crazier the better, as long as it doesn't get grotesque. Essentially, the more likely they are to die the cooler they are to me, and if I'd actually miss them once they die even better.

Of course, all of these people sound pretty dangerous in real life, and as such I'd probably only like a very small amount of them if I actually met them. Still, I've never actually met them, so I can't be sure. But in fiction, these guys are as cool as it gets.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

A History of Humor: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Sorry about the formating funkyness.

When examining the current phenomenon of digitalization, it is important to remember the clarity of thought and intellectual capability that human kind once possessed. Indeed, since the
internet began gaining popularity, there has been a massive
drop in--

And now for something completely different.

It’s-!

A History of Humor: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

by Remy Stern-Beckerman

When asked about how they feel about modern technology and the digitalization of our daily lives, most people have a clear, defined opinion on whether it has a positive or negative impact on society. Those that view it as positive make arguments about how it is aiding communication, and making information more accessible. Those that view it as negative point out that time spent interacting on the computer takes away from time spent interacting in person, which is far superior. But almost everyone agrees on one negative point: TV rots your brain. Or more specifically, digitalization is training us to use our brains less. The view does make sense. TV, computers, phones, and gaming systems are all designed to give us exactly what we want exactly when we want it: the maximum in instant gratification. And once we have found a program that we want to watch or a game we want to play, we can just sit and stare at it for hours, perhaps occasionally twitching our thumbs. It stands to reason that this life of mindless entertainment is being prompted by the new digital age, and that the availability of these devices is what makes us so committed to the pursuit of recreation above all else. But there is a fatal flaw to this argument: it’s not true. By looking at history, one can see that actually, mindless entertainment has been a priority from the beginning. The main piece of evidence for this argument comes from an unlikely source: comedy. Though the concept of humor has been around for at least as long as the human species, the idea of making someone laugh for the sake of it has absolutely no foundation in almost anything useful. By looking at some of the good (wit), the bad (slapstick), and the ugly (freakshows) elements of comedy throughout the ages and today, this paper will explore the human attitude towards recreation; and demonstrate that though digitalization makes instant gratification more accessible, humanity has always been prone to seeking out pure entertainment with no intellectual rewards when available.

While perhaps at the more intellectual end of the spectrum, witty humor still often plays into one of humanity’s most basic drives: poking fun at something. From satire of language, to satire of oneself, to satire of others, to satire of machines-- you get it. This desire to make things funny simply by pointing them out for absolutely no good reason is not some new product of the digital age. There are historical examples of witty humor at every turn. In fact, the not-so-famous first lines of Shakespeare's famous Romeo and Juliet feature a series of puns in a wholly different tone from the rest of the piece:

Sampson: Gregory, on my word, we’ll not carry coals.

Gregory: No, for then we should be coalliers.

Sampson: I mean, an we be in choler, we’ll draw.

Gregory: Ay, while you live, draw your neck out of collar. (Shakespeare 1-2)

And so on. While this makes almost no sense to the average reader today because of the change in language since the play’s original publication around 1595, such language barriers also serve to show just how universal the material is. The business of grammatical humor is still alive and well, as the existence of websites like “Pun of the Day” ("Pun of the Day") demonstrate. If you are in the mood for a pun, there is no doubt that it is easier to log on to that website and look them up than read an entire play, but the desire to be entertained by a grammatical loophole has not changed since the days of Shakespeare (and indeed, probably long before). What draws us to wit is not only the desire to be smarter than the next guy, but also to be more likable. This is one of the basic desires of the average human, and something completely universal. This is a point backed by not only the existence of XKCD.com (“a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language”) but also spectacularly demonstrated by their popular comic T-Shirts (right).("T-Shirts") Wit is an enduring part of human culture, spanning the globe and the ages, unrelated to the recent influx of technology. But Remy, you might say, wit is somewhat useful. Because of its satirical nature, witty humor can be used as a means of social commentary. Silly reader, I wasn’t talking about that usage. But as long as you’ve brought it up, we might as well move on to a less high-brow brand of humor...

If wit is the intellectual of the family, slapstick is the crazy aunt with lipstick in colors that no one’s ever heard of. Commonly regarded to as one of the lowest forms of humor, slapstick is also one of the most basic. Relying entirely on the concept of catastrophic physical failure often combined with odd or ironic timing, slapstick has its roots in the undeniable realities of life. While slapstick comedy has probably been around since a few minutes after the evolution of a brain region responsible for processing humor, the actual term comes from the English name for a special paddle used in physical comedy routines in the 1500s commedia dell’arte to produce a loud noise while doing very little damage. ("Slapstick (comedy)") Slapstick humor can be dated as having begun earlier than there are written records of, as it played a large role in Greco-Roman mime, some of which dates back to the fifth century B.C. (“Mime and Pantomime”) When put in this context slapstick is easily identifiable as one of the earliest historical examples of mindless entertainment, but this often escapes notice when criticizing one of the top digital sources of mindless entertainment: the funny home video. Slapstick reigns supreme on Youtube, as the examples provided show. ("Grape lady falls!") (right, 4,358,055 views) (“100 funny falls”) (left, 2,376,176 views) While the medium has changed, the act of watching it is still fulfilling the same basic desire to see people fall down (a form of entertainment with absolutely no use whatsoever, or indeed any rational explanation as to what makes it funny in the first place). Perhaps, you might cut in, we are engaged by the pure strangeness of the event. Nay, I would say in such a situation, that is what our next form of entertainment is for.

While not strictly a form of comedy, the freakshow is still one of the most popular historical forms of entertainment. While viewers may initially become interested because of their curiosity and not just for fits and giggles, that curiosity does not translate into desire to learn more about the uncanny attraction. Rather, the viewer is prompted to want to see more, a fact capitalized upon by many a traveling showman. While the sideshow was popularized in the early 1800s, Lazarus Colloredo ("Lazarus and Joannes Baptista Colloredo") (right) toured around Europe showing off his parasitic brother John Baptista in one of the earliest recorded novelty acts in the 1630s. ("Book Rags") The pursuit of all things weird and wondrous can also be recognized as one of the historical elements of entertainment carrying through to the mindless entertainment thought of as a product of digitalization. Like slapstick, the exhibition of things unusual or extreme has found an audience in videos, as demonstrated by the two examples, ("Funny Weird and cool Hairstyles") (left, 15,856 views) ("charlie schmidt's "cool cat"") (right, 3,833,102 views) but in this case it’s not the video that makes the show: it’s the cat. In the exhibition of all things visually questionable, cats have become the new stars, stepping in now that the freakshow has become morally objectionable. The same curiosity that led Victorians to seek out “freaks of nature” before it was recognized as offensive has created stars like ceilingcat, monorail cat, cheezburger cat, ("I Can Has Cheezburger?") and countless others. Something may seem wrong about sitting and staring at cats for hours, but the change in media is the only difference in mental stimulation between the two displays.

But Remy! You may interject. These videos have millions upon millions of views! People are just sitting at home for hours doing nothing but watching funny videos or looking at pictures of cats! Surely this must be the laziest era in human history, and it’s all due to digitalization! I’m glad you brought that up, reader. Allow me to direct your attention to an even lazier lifestyle: that of the Noble. Almost anywhere in history with distinctly defined upper and lower classes and a large gap between them, the upper class has lived a life of leisure and luxury at the expense of the lower class. From ancient Rome (Marcellinus) to 1600s England (Peck 14), examples of a life of luxury being led by those that could afford it are abundant no matter the time period investigated. Perhaps the strongest example comes from pre-revolution France, otherwise known as the Rococo era. Here, the nobility lived a life of luxury and whimsy, devoting their ridiculous wealth and power to the pursuit of recreation and romance while 97% of the population starved in the streets. ("Smarthistory") Ignorant, more interested in entertaining themselves than learning about the world around them? Yes. Prompted by digitalization? No.

So there you have it. From wit to slapstick, freakshows to sheer ignorant bliss, people have always sought out mindless entertainment when available. The current tendency toward recreation is no different than the essential human preference that has prevailed throughout history. So why do we blame technology? Perhaps the reason is simply because digitalization is a new phenomenon. Human society has always had a nack for condemning change, despite also specializing in causing it. For example, as the automobile first became popular, it was thought of as so dangerous that Britain passed a law requiring the vehicle to be preceded by a man on foot waving a red flag and blowing a horn at all times. ("Random History") Perhaps we wanted a scapegoat for our own behavior. Whatever the reason, it seems that it is in our very nature to deny our very nature.



Works cited:
Shakespeare, William. Romeo and Juliet. Washington Square Press ed. USA: Pocket Books, 1972. 1-2. Print.

"Funniest Puns." Pun of the Day. 01 Nov 2009. Web. 8 Nov 2009. .

"T-Shirts." XKCD.com. Web. 2 Nov 2009. .

"slapstick." Encyclopædia Britannica. 2009. Encyclopædia Britannica Online. 01 Nov. 2009 .

"mime and pantomime." Encyclopædia Britannica. 2009. Encyclopædia Britannica Online. 08 Nov. 2009 .

"Grape lady falls!." Web. 1 Nov 2009. .

"100 funny falls" Web. 1 Nov 2009. .

"Freak show Summary." Book Rags. Web. 8 Nov 2009. .

"Lazarus and Joannes Baptista Colloredo." Web. 8 Nov 2009. .

"Funny Weird and cool Hairstyles." 8 Nov 2009. Web..

"charlie schmidt’s “cool cat”" 8 Nov 2009. Web..

"Lolcats 'n' Funny Pictures of Cats." I Can Has Cheezburger?. Web. 8 Nov 2009. .

Marcellinus, Ammianus. "Ammianus Marcellinus (c.330-395 CE): History, XIV.16: The Luxury of the Rich in Rome, c. 400 CE. ." Ancient History Sourcebook. Ancient History Sourcebook, Web. 8 Nov 2009. .

Peck, Linda Levy. Consuming splendor: society and culture in seventeenth-century England. USA: Cambridge University Press, 2005. 14. Print.

"Rococo." Smarthistory. Smarthistory, Web. 8 Nov 2009. .

"The History of the Car." Random History. Random History, Web. 8 Nov 2009. .

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

outline comments

Amber

Amber,

This looks good. Your outline really brings up the points you want to discuss, which will be helpful in writing your essay. The only problem I saw was that your thesis may not be specific enough for Andy--it may help to say what kind of a change it is (ie. that we are relying on digital media more. It seems self-evident, but you can still get called out if you don't say it).

Other than that, the only thing that I noticed is that there doesn't seem to be a huge connection between your arguments and your thesis, but that's probably because I'm reading the outline and not the paper. as long as you tie it in in the introduction and conclusion, it should be fine.

Can't wait to read your paper,
Remy

Andrew has not yet posted his outline.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Outline

This is my outline for the final essay in the digitalization unit of the class Personal/Political. The essay will be called A History of Humor: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

Essential question: What are some of the various forms that mindless entertainment and comedy have taken over the course of history, and how does this relate to digitalization today? What does this tell us about human society as a whole?

Thesis: Though digitalization makes instant gratification more accessible, humanity has always been prone to seeking out pure entertainment with no intellectual rewards when available.

Paragraph 1: high-brow humor (the good)
points (not necessarily in order):
-Beginning of Romeo and Juliet: puns
->Talk about wit, cite: http://www.tk421.net/quotes/
-Modern use:
icons
www.xkcd.com
->("maybe if this shirt is witty enough someone will finally love me")

Paragraph 2: slapstick (the bad)
Points (not necessarily in order):
-Recognition as one of the lowest forms of entertainment (find a quote!)
-Origins in ancient Greek and Roman comedy
[source: http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/548077/slapstick]
-Named after 1600s paddle-like weapon
-Modern use:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMS0O3kknvk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AbQpzn6t4c

Paragraph 3: the weird and the wonderful (the ugly)
-
freak shows: http://www.nfa.dept.shef.ac.uk/history/shows/freaks.html
-modern relevance:
Cats! http://www.amazingcatcollection.com/