Amber,
This looks good. Your outline really brings up the points you want to discuss, which will be helpful in writing your essay. The only problem I saw was that your thesis may not be specific enough for Andy--it may help to say what kind of a change it is (ie. that we are relying on digital media more. It seems self-evident, but you can still get called out if you don't say it).
Other than that, the only thing that I noticed is that there doesn't seem to be a huge connection between your arguments and your thesis, but that's probably because I'm reading the outline and not the paper. as long as you tie it in in the introduction and conclusion, it should be fine.
Can't wait to read your paper,
Remy- Andrew has not yet posted his outline.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
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Amber
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Hey Remy,
ReplyDeleteI like your essential question and thesis. The thesis seems to be “fit” and is stated as if it is a fact; I am sure Andy will appreciate this.
You will be using many sources in your paper which will do you lots of good. Some of these sources will be from video sites such as youtube, and others may be from famous plays.
These ideas connect with what others have to say about digitalization and our media. Even if readers do not agree they will be able to give it some time and think about the idea.
I think that you should have actually started to write you paragraphs for the outline. You just seem to bullet point random sources and ideas, which seem to confuse me a bit. That’s why the only things I really like so far are the EQ and thesis. Next time for an outline you should try to write in complete sentences so I can get a better idea of what you are aiming for and be able to give you better feedback.
After looking at your thesis, I agree I should make my thesis stronger so that the reader can see where I stand. I feel like my thesis is very weak for such a big topic that I will be discussing in my paper.
I look forward to reading full sentences in your paper lol.
Later,
Amber M.